Mark 4:35-41

When I pulled into the airport in Chicago and was getting dropped off to come over here I was scared.  What was I thinking?  Coming to England to live? leaving my family and friends back home!? Was I crazy?!  I got scared.  In fact, I was terrified.  I got a sick feeling in my stomach and thought that maybe I had made the wrong decision.  I kept asking God if I was making the right decision.  I am not sure what came over me in that moment.  I had been so excited and knew the second that I got on the plane that I was going to enjoy myself, I was going to have so many experiences that people only dream of.  I am so blessed to be able to have this opportunity.  

Now, I say all that to also say that when I sat down and opened my Bible tonight I felt in a way that I was not doing this because I wanted to, but rather because I felt as if I needed to.  I am so glad I did because the first thing that fell out was a letter that I had gotten from Chuck before I went on my wilderness trip in high school.  It was a thoughtful letter that I  am sure I did not appreciate at the time but kept and it was very comforting to me at this moment in my life.  After I read this, a note card then fell out and it had the words "Quiet, be still....Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"  I opened my Bible and read the story of Jesus calming the storm.  It was amazing the overwhelming sense of comfort I  felt as I read that. 

There are so many times in our lives when we make choices.  Some choices are good and some are not so good.  Some do not change our lives at all but other decisions not only change our own lives but also the lives of the ones we love.  Personally, I know that I have made some good and bad decision in my life.  I know that I have made decisions that have changed the course of my life completely.  For example, I was a flight attendant and  I decided to come on this trip.  Both of these decisions have given me time to find out who I am.  They have taught me independence and confidence. Some things happen in our lives and decisions are then made completely for us.  I had to fight cancer and my best friend is fighting cancer day in and day out. Everyone has there own storms but it's what we do in the midst of those storms that makes the difference.  I can't tell you how many times I have been going through something and thought just as the disciples did.  I have asked God "do you not care if I drown?" But He does care.  He would never put us in a situation that we were unable to handle.  He would never give up on us when we are in the midst of something huge.  In fact, these are the times that He is with us the most.  I struggle with this everyday.  When I think about the lives that my loved ones are living.  When I think about the struggles that people are going through.  I am tempted to ask the deadly question of WHY?  But in these times of our lives.  We need to be grateful that God is with us.  That He trusts us to make decisions and that we decide to trust Him when we doubt the decisions that we have made. We need to be proud that He is right next to us in the worst of our storms.  

I think back to the feeling in the airport and laugh.  Are you kidding! I have the opportunity to go on this adventure and learn more about others and myself.  I get to live a dream that so many people have.  I am so grateful for the storms that have led me to this point in my life.  

When I sit in the living room of our apartment I am able to hear the wind.  I sit here alone and think about how grateful I am to be sitting in this room which is in a small town outside of London.  How lucky am I to be sitting here and enjoying the sounds of the hustle and bustle of the outside but also hear the small things like the birds outside my window.  I sit here and try to be still and have faith.  I need to not be afraid of the new things in my life but instead have faith.